What you do is more important than what you say.

During my first year of sobriety, I met with my sponsor once a week, usually on Thursdays. On one occasion, we sat down at a coffee shop, and he said, “I’m impressed.” I was confused because I hadn’t said a word. He talked about how he had seen a shift in my attitude. I was restless and irritable a few weeks prior, but now I was more relaxed, responsive, and humble. As I explained why, he interrupted, “You don’t need to say anything - I was impressed with what I saw, not what you’ll tell me.” Then he said I should take a compliment and be quiet—typical sponsor chatter.

A few weeks prior, we had attended several of the same meetings, but he hadn’t told me he was in attendance. He watched how I introduced myself to strangers, got to meetings early, and volunteered to serve when the opportunity arose. Those were my actions, and that’s what impressed him. What I did spoke louder than anything announced.

As we grow and develop, our behaviors must change through what we do. The opposite of that is being hypocritical, which isn’t part of a sober program. Also, importantly, doing versus saying helps to see an accurate self-image because it’s easy to boast and say things you’ll do, but the actions of someone speak everything (without saying anything at all).

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